Pamphlet Distributor

I dreamed that I was in charge of finding someone to perform a musical number for stake conference (a large church meeting with people from many different congregations coming together) back in Utah. I been given a month's advance notice to find someone to perform, but I was busy with school and other stuff, plus I felt like I didn't even know who to call back in Utah anymore. As I made the three-day drive from Michigan to Utah, I spent most of my time stressing out about my assignment. Hours before the conference I still hadn't found anyone to perform, and as I passed the point of the mountain (just south of Draper, Utah) my car broke down. My car was billowing smoke on the side of the freeway as I tried to wave down somebody to help me. When a car finally stopped, out stepped Tia and Tamara, the twins from TV's Sister, Sister, and Brenda Hoskins, a girl I haven't seen since elementary school. They offered to give me a ride to the conference, and as we drove I asked them what they had been up to since Sister Sister ended (in 1999, according to Wikipedia). They, along with Brenda, had formed a TLC cover band called TTLC (get it - as in Tia and Tamara + TLC). I was thrilled when I heard that and I asked them if they would perform the special musical number at the stake conference. They hadn't had a gig in long time, so they were glad to do it.

We got to the church moments before the meeting started, and the only seat I could find was in the very, very back of the hall and TTLC went to go sit on the stand with the speakers. The meeting started and a man got up and announced the order of the speakers, and informed us that the special musical number would be the song "Pamphlet Distributor" by The Clash (which is not a real song, but it's a pretty good title, eh?). When I heard that the group that I had brought in had chosen a political punk rock song by The Clash for a religious meeting, I freaked out. What were they thinking!!! They're going to get me in so much trouble!!! There were two speakers before the musical number, and I just sat there sweating and panicking during both talks, desperately trying to think of a way to abort the musical number. I couldn't think of any way to stop it before TTLC got up to perform.


They started off with "Pamphlet Distributor" (which was a pretty groovy song - too bad I can't remember it now), but it segued into a Clash medley featuring "Police and Thieves," "White Man (In Hammersmith Palais)," and ending with "Rock the Casbah." The performance was actually pretty good (although I can't understand why a TLC tribute band was performing The Clash) and everybody in the conference rocking out, but I still felt like it was very inappropriate and I knew I was going to get into trouble. During the following speaker, I was passed a note from the stake president saying that he and his wife wanted to see me immediately following the meeting. I tried to sneak out, but there were a couple of hired goons there to stop me. The escorted me to the stake president's office, who was seated behind a desk in a big leather chair with the back facing me, like a James Bond villian. He started to talk in a rich baritone voice that I recognized, and as he slowly spun the chair around I saw that stake president was Richard Gilmore, the grandfather from Gilmore Girls. He and his wife Emily told me that the choice of musical number was highly unorthodox, but he felt like it was a bold, forward-looking choice that would show the young people in the congregation that stake conference could be hip, and he congratulated me for having the nerve to book the act. He offered me a congratulatory cigar (from the stake president?) and he invited me back to his mansion for dinner.

When we got to the house, I was pretty dirty and exhausted from having spent the past few days driving across the country, so he took me to the master bathroom and told me I could relax in the jacuzzi before dinner. He left the room and I noticed that there was a TV above the jacuzzi, which was perfect because Breaking Bad was about to come on and I was afraid that I was going to miss it during dinner. During the show, Richard suddenly burst in the room to offer me a bathrobe to wear after I got out of the jacuzzi, and he was appalled to see what I was watching (it is a show about a guy who cooks meth, after all) and he ordered me to leave. I guess he didn't think that Breaking Bad was as bold and forward-looking as TTLC.

*****

I told this dream to Damien earlier this morning and she said that if this dream proves anything, it's that I watch way too much TV. Guilty as charged in the case of Gilmore Girls and Breaking Bad, but I've always tried to avoid Sister, Sister like the plague (although I do have a soft spot for the similarly saccharine Full House). I also must add that I am not a TLC fan, although if "Waterfalls" comes on the radio, I probably won't change the station.